A quick exercise to grow (and have some fun).
appy Friday the 13th Lovelies!
As a day that is said to be unlucky (although I am having an amazing day), let's dive into the topic of growing pains.
What to do when the push to grow comes not from our choosing.
Those outside forces and friction that require us to change and adapt.
When it feels like the universe is raining down on us and we are barely treading water as is.
I feel you.
Intend. Act. Repeat. Ugh.
I have a big exciting project that I want to be working on, but resistance is strong today.
So much resistance!
I feel like a kid who has been assigned an essay to write.
I have the framework. I have the outline. I even have the paragraph topic sentences.
But when I sit down to hammer out the word count - BOOM - resistance.
"Oh I need a cup of tea!" It says.
"You know what's a good idea? Snack time."
Renewing your purpose with grace and ease!
I love September.
The almost-Autumn feel of the mornings, the organizational pull of back-to-school season, and the lower UV index so I can get out and enjoy Mr Sun (you can't be this shade of porcelain and not be roasted in the summer).
Back to school has been a part of my life since I was 3 - I went from being in school, to university, to taking community language courses, to having kids of my own in school.
There was maybe a year or two when I wasn't directly involved in the process in some way.
Along with the desire for fresh school supplies, one thing September brings for me is a mindfulness to intention.
A refocusing on what is actually the point of things?
Do the systems we had set in place still meet our needs?
Is there a spot in my life that needs to be tended to that could allow for less stress?
Every year, I purchase a fresh new calendar in September to write the important dates for the following year. The practice helps put the fresh needs of the year into focus.
Here are some of the practices I put into play that you might find helpful:
I'm curious? What do you love about September?
Leave a comment below, or head on over to our facebook page and let me know!
I'd love to hear from you.
How to reconnect in a broken world when everything seems useless.
This summer has had some rough patches for many of us it seems.
What do we do when our efforts seem to lead us to failure?
This post is intended to bring a bit of grace into the process.
Strengths acknowledged. check.
Expectations laid out. check.
Clearly communicated boundaries and guidelines. check.
Protocols written and timers set and needs met. check.
Set up everything you could control for? check.
Frustration and anger.
I laid out the path.
I did the things.
I followed the protocol.
I controlled for every aspect that I could.
If you are anything like me, at this point you turn into a fire breathing dragon and destroy villages.
Cue rage and futility.
And fight with entitlement.
Let's unpack that a bit.
Setting up and making known my expectations and then those expectations not being met is mind-boggling.
But is it entitlement.
Process and set up and hope doesn't entitle me to get the desired outcome.
A "failed outcome" isn't a blow to the ego, but it helps pave the way towards clarity on how to get there.
Sometimes that clarity shows that the set up didn't work.
Sometimes it is that the "controlling factors" actually didn't mean as much as I thought they did.
Sometimes it is just me that stands in my own way.
When it feels futile: What's the point?
The "why bother" moment.
We can work through this moment by reflecting on our own values and the intentions.
You likely didn't bother because you were a failure. You bothered because you cared.
Find a comfortable position.
However you learn best, explore the reasons you set out to do things.
Love? Safety? Belonging?
Those core values aren't letting you down. The attempted process did.
It is time to release our hold on the process.
Take time to reset our being and hammer out a new way forward.
This is tricky and takes practice and sacrifice.
Sacrifice of the comfort zone.
Sacrifice of the habits and routines that once worked for you.
To venture out with fresh eyes and trust that the process will pay off eventually.
In calling out your own greatness, it can also make others uncomfortable.
It can seem to them that you are judging them.
But quite the opposite is happening - you are holding yourself to a new standard.
They can create their own.
So what drives you?
When you sit in the quiet moments, how do you want to grow?
How can we move from a place of connection if we keep judging our attempts?
I wish you kindness and grace in all your attempts,
Bring on the Awesomeness!
I wish you all the best wishes for today is my birthday!!!
I like to celebrate different years by turning a page.
Closing a chapter of the previous year with a beautiful summary and with foreshadowing with what to expect.
Bring on the journal!
And although life is unpredictable, I am resilient and capable of growth.
I am awesome.
And so are you.
Check in with yourself.
Remember that you are the true and only expert in who you are and are the one responsible for who you are becoming.
We all navigate through pressures and challenges of this world.
And we all are surrounded by the opinions and views of others as we bump into them.
But where is their place? What focus and energy is necessary to give to others views of us?
Using what others think of us, or using our story of what they think of us, is important.
It is important to look at the facts and ask "What do I know for sure?"
For example, what I know for sure is:
I am capable
I am kind
I am fierce
I am growing
I am loving
What others may see:
I am too much
I am arrogant
I am improper
Well lovelies, which view should I spend my energy on?
I can't control how other people experience me, but I can focus my heart and focus on using my strengths (confidence and direct communication) to call for love and acceptance of where people are on their growth journey.
I could also fret and worry about changing aspects of me that are life-long and given (my energy and heart) to try to make other people feel better about me or to like me.
I choose not to do that because if someone wants me to change, they will take the time to look at the heart in the matter. They will allow for growth and development and be able to work with, instead of judge against.
Our personal investors are the ones we need to care about.
The rest is just noise and nonsense.
So what to do about it?
Here is a quick trick to uncover your own awesomeness!
Take a deep breath and focus your attention on your being.
Write down as many adjectives as you can that describe you - positive or negative.
Once that list is created, reset your focus.
Focus on your heart.
Ask it to guide you to what is true.
Look at the list.
Highlight, circle or underline any adjective that resonates with the actual you.
The real you.
Not the noise from others. The you in your heart.
Welcome to your awesomeness.
You are a unique blend of qualities that the world needs.
The world doesn't need another them. Another other.
It needs a you.
As you move through the coming weeks, think of this list.
The list of awesome. The list of you.
If someone accuses you or pulls you off brand, remind yourself that you are growing.
This list is a work in progress and you are an enjoyable process.
So, here's to awesomeness! Here's to you!
P.S. For my birthday, I would love it if you were to like us on Facebook and share with your friends!
You never know who could use a little more love!
What's your excuse?
My brain still thinks we are somewhere in June rather than being almost August!
When I take a moment to sit and think, my mind starts racing.
"How did we get here? Where did the time go? What are we going to do?!"
Basically, part of my brain really likes control. I bet you can relate.
But so what dear brain. The fact is that you can't control time.
Time will pass at the same rate as always (more or less).
Moments like this are probably is the only time taking a deep breath is helpful for me.
In reconnecting with my present breath, I remind myself that I have the skills to make this (what ever this happens to be in the moment) successful.
Fun example... I meant to publish this post a few weeks ago, but life got in the way - so here is the follow up to the last post, in which we talked about a different approach to change.
That in calling it by another name, can we calm our bodies into accepting new terms.
Instead of feeling bad or overwhelmed that I didn't post this on time (because reality), I am going to feel proud that I am committed to working on this blog to provide value and inspiration to you lovelies. And celebrate that I DID post it eventually, even if time got int he way.
Because you matter and the voice inside my head is sometimes inaccurate.
Today, we dive into choice.
Specifically about the consequences of choice.
Who doesn't love consequences? Oh wait, everyone.
No one loves consequences, yet they are a given part of reality.
Most of us can make a decision, but what about taking the time to ask what happens if we don't choose?
Sometimes it is tempting to think if we ignore a decision, it will just go away right?
It doesn't often work like that.
Some people try to play it safe and opt our of choosing, but it isn't a safe way out of forming your story.
Your given life pieces are unique and you don't owe anyone else their tale.
Your chosen pieces can transform your life to look like how you want to live.
Are you using absence of choice as an excuse to stay in your comfort zone?
So today, we look at a way to remove some of the surprise factor from our choices by asking the question:
What if I didn't do X?
In taking a few moments to really dive into the absence of choice.
Using being static as an excuse that is holding us back.
When we make a decision, we often think through the consequences of the choice we are making.
Every choice has consequences.
But what about the consequences of NOT choosing?
The absence of choice has consequences.
Here at Life Coach Online we practice radical accountability and not choosing is no longer an option.
You can choose no, or yes.
Or choose to back-burner an issue for a time (like this blog post being on time).
But using absence of choice as an excuse is not an option.
Or at least, not an option that will lead to growth and the life you deserve.
You are in control of your life.
Do you want to write that book, but every time you think about it, you feel bad about not writing it?
Well, what are you doing to move that forward?
Why waste time feeling bad about your choice to not sit and write a few words?
If fact, I challenge you to start with a paragraph. (email me if you want feedback!)
Are you like me and sometimes mourn the fact that you can't draw?
But have you taken the time to practice? (my answer is no, not really)
Literally the only reason that other people can draw and you can't is practice. (hello back burner)
Maybe they had a head start and were given some talent, but drawing is a skill.
There are people without hands that can draw.
There are people without hand and feet that can draw!
They are using their given instead of fighting their given.
The reality is, I don't want to put the work into practicing, so I won't learn to draw.
That's the consequence of my choice.
But also the consequence of my not choosing if I used my life as an excuse to why I haven't practiced.
Here is a quick exercise if you want to see where you are holding yourself back.
Let's not focus on what we aren't doing, but on what we can do!
On what we CHOOSE to do.
Let's focus up!
Grab a pen and paper. (Actually do this. I'll wait.)
Write down any and all given realities that impact your life at the moment.
Job change? Family? Location?
The point is to note the circumstances with which you have to work - not to change their presence.
Now, go through and circle the givens that affect you today.
These are the circumstances that we can't change, or have little control over.
So instead of using them as an excuse, is there a way we can choose to work within the reality?
Hard truth time.
Are you using any of these as part of your current story as to why you can't do what you want to do?
Some of the given will be limiting. That's okay. It is part of your story.
Here is where intention is important.
Acknowledging the given realities is important.
Using them as an excuse to prevent you from showing up is doing yourself a disservice.
Please note that I am not talking about trauma here.
If you have given trauma, I trust you are using the appropriate supports to help with that.
I am sorry that happened and wish you gentleness in the healing process.
This exercise is meant to start the conversation about given vs. limiting circumstances.
About creating and taking steps in trying to find a way to transform how you operate within your reality.
Remember love, you are not defined by your givens.
They are just pieces that are a part of your life.
What you do with your chosen parts are important.
So what are you doing to propel yourself towards your goal?
What action steps are you going to take today to get the life you want?
Go get it!
Trick your brain into welcoming growth.
Today's blog is responding to a question that was submitted from a reader.
Bear with, this post is a wee bit rambly in places, but it resolves nicely at the end.
The question went something like this:
Dear Life Coach Online,
I have an idea and I want to get it done, but I am too scared to try because I might fail.
What should I do?
Sincerely, Lovely Reader.
Well dear reader, I know that many of us have been there.
Most of us at some point have had an idea that we wanted to accomplish and loved, but then didn't try because we were afraid to fail?
Too afraid to do something that we would really like to do.
Because it feels important. And special.
Most cases, it is that little voice in the head.
The one that criticizes us at annoying times.
Common thoughts that hold us back are:
I'm not good enough.
I could never do that.
I'm good enough right now, why take the risk.
I'm foolish to think I could do that.
Who do I think I am.
Well dear reader... that brings me to the question, who DO you think you are?
As we develop this awareness, we develop the freedom from failure.
Throughout this life, we go through many experiences - both wanted and unwanted.
Chosen and given.
Getting in touch with these parts of our self identity can bring light and understanding to how our inner critic got its voice.
It might seem like a lot, but I want to invite you to try something with me.
Let's challenge the inner critic a little and see where that takes us today.
Imagine your best self.
The one that thrives when conditions are perfect.
When we identify as that being, and really get down to it, do we feel like we have changed that much at all throughout our life?
Chances are, your inner awareness has stayed the same.
The YOU-ness of you is outside your body and when we connect with our true self, we feel powerful and meaningful.
Over time, what changes is our resilience and our awareness of self.
When we experience connection and love at our being level, we begin to thrive!
As we grow and bump into the boundaries of others, we develop reaction patterns that may or may not serve us.
This brings us to the concept of change.
Personally, I like to define change as the process of becoming.
Freedom to adjust and expand and change.
Change can be a scary word for some people.
It can trigger feelings of inadequacy and failure.
That is not the point here. Here we strive for kindness.
Synonyms for change include:
Which ones of these words sits easier?
Change feels BIG but development feels appropriate depending on the situation.
Want to make a lifestyle change - sometimes people react negatively to that language and ask "Well, what was wrong with me in the first place?"
Even admitting that change is desired somehow devalues the current being and the hard work you did to get there.
How to make change gentle - call it by another name.
There is more inherent permission to say that I am developing rather than I am changing.
It implies choice in the areas of growth.
You story can be what you make it.
Sure, there are given pieces of that story, but how do we use those givens to connect and build bridges between others in our lives.
Or do we use those givens as an excuse to hold ourselves back, to limit what we are capable of choosing?
Over the next few posts, we will talk more about change.
And on ways to embrace the potential rather than run from it.
We aim for choice and permission.
So dear reader, what happens when you apply the kinder word to the inner critic?
Does that free up some of the creative energy and allow you to start your task?
I look forward to continuing the conversation!
You've got this! I'm proud of you for reaching out.
For my lovely other readers, please know that my inbox is always open for ideas and questions.
Like our Facebook page for more tips and inspiration throughout the week!
Wishing you a beautiful day,
Dive into this exercise and find out!
I'm curious, are your expectations setting you up for success?
Sure! You think. I'm all for success!
Of course I know what I want.
But how many of us have taken the time to intentionally define what that looks like?
How do you know when you reach your goal?
When those expectations are met?
When we feel scattered and messy, it is often because we aren't clear on where to put our energy.
Different areas of our life compete for different resources.
Internal focus and energy that keep us moving towards our ultimate goals.
Last week, we looked at tasks in life we didn't want to do.
We gave ourselves permission to shut down the potential energy going towards those possibilities to reclaim focus on those that do matter.
But how do we start in identifying what does matter?
Our brains are marvelous organs.
They allow us to process the information we receive from the world around us.
But the rest of our body can inform us too.
Intuition and "go with your gut" are common themes when we are faced with danger, but how many of us tune into them when we are safe? Or simply curious?
It can feel a little tricky when you start, because we are mainly used to signaling danger, but then, as we get used to the quiet voice,it doesn't have to yell as loud.
To begin, I want you to grab some paper and your favourite pen (or is that just me?)
Begin on the bottom of the page and start writing right to left.
Write down all the projects, or items, or tasks that are important to you, or present for you.
No editing or worrying about spelling or script here. This is a judgement free zone.
Now, take a look at this list.
How does it make you feel?
Where in your body do you feel that reaction?
A punch in the gut failure?
A fluttery heart appreciation of pride?
A headache of overwhelm?
Many of us here are fun type-A personalities, so grab your favourite highlighters, and colour code each item as the different feelings.
Now that we have a record of the swirling brain items, we often feel a sense of calm and validation at why we were kinda cranky in the first place.
Take a look at the items that are coded for pride.
Look back at those when you are feeling stressed and know that the awesome is possible.
And now let's tackle the failure and overwhelm. The ones you coded as gut punches and headaches.
Our goal isn't to dive into the "why" of the stress, it is to dive into the "what now".
Take a look at the top three stressors.
Do you notice anything similar about them?
If they trigger a sense of failure, an important question to ask is how do we know we are achieving that?
What does failure look like?
I want you to shift into your heart for a minute. Let's move away from our brain and thinking.
I want you to imagine that I am the one having trouble with these tasks.
That I set out to do them with the chosen expectations.
How would you react to me if I told you that I was struggling a wee bit?
Would you yell at me for being a failure?
Would you tell me to quit, or why bother even trying?
Or would you help me break the task down into smaller chunks and celebrate the process.
To reevaluate the expectations given the current reality.
To allow for me to learn and grow through this process.
It's okay if you chose the yelling. I'm good with confrontation.
Now that you've yelled at me, let's go on to breaking those tasks down into 3 smaller pieces and assign a start date.
When we take a moment to reengage with our tasks from a heart-centered lens, we can embrace the permission to learn and grow as we navigate this life.
Wishing you a heart-felt connected week.
Celebrate Summer with me!
Happy Solstice Lovelies!
Welcome to Summer!
Here, for us folks that live in the Northern hemisphere, we arrive at that beautiful point in the year where we get to celebrate the light and prepare to welcome the coming darkness as days get shorter.
Gosh, I love celebrating.
It is a reminder to enter into the present and to connect again with reality as we move through life.
A process that I love to do at this time of year involves gratitude and appreciation for the things in life that we don't do. To free myself of the extraneous expectations that gather and collect at times.
I use the summer solstice to remind myself of the coming darkness and its place in the seasons of life.
I like to spend some time reflecting on an important topic: freedom of choice.
To take a quick intentional look at the "shoulds" in life that I choose NOT to do.
This exercise that can free up our summer and get clarity on what we want to do by highlighting the paths in life that we are closed to.
We can put down the weight of those expectations and move some potential to the back burner of our subconscious.
This frees us to celebrate to awesomeness of now!
Grab a pen and some recycled paper - using discarded paper is a nice symbol here.
Don't think. Just start writing.
Any topic that comes to mind that no longer interests you. That no longer serves you.
I give you permission to write it down.
You aren't committing to throwing it out of your life forever, or never picking it up again, you are just listing possibilities and potentials that no longer serve you.
I challenge you to see if you can write 20 items.
If 20 is easy, try 50! I dare you to get to 100.
There is no right or wrong number here. Just permission to write.
There is no way to fail at this exercise - 2 items? awesome! One item - let it go!
Put the pen down, close your eyes and take a breath in - bask in the glow and warmth of the longest day of the year in gratitude for not having to carry these items forward into the coming darkness.
We can use this time to find joy in what we do choose to do.
Doesn't that brain dump feel nice?
Now, take that piece of paper and return it to the recycling.
You don't need to keep it.
You've let the expectations go and freed up your energy for choice and service.
The point is not to "dive into the why" or look at a how. It is to list and thank and breathe.
What are your favourite ways to celebrate the seasons?
Keep the conversation going and leave a comment below!
Go and enjoy this beautiful summer -- May it be filled with light and laughter!
P.S. My favourite season is Autumn. I am so excited to move through Summer with you and into the hygge deliciousness of fall 💖