What's your excuse?
My brain still thinks we are somewhere in June rather than being almost August!
When I take a moment to sit and think, my mind starts racing.
"How did we get here? Where did the time go? What are we going to do?!"
Basically, part of my brain really likes control. I bet you can relate.
But so what dear brain. The fact is that you can't control time.
Time will pass at the same rate as always (more or less).
Moments like this are probably is the only time taking a deep breath is helpful for me.
In reconnecting with my present breath, I remind myself that I have the skills to make this (what ever this happens to be in the moment) successful.
Fun example... I meant to publish this post a few weeks ago, but life got in the way - so here is the follow up to the last post, in which we talked about a different approach to change.
That in calling it by another name, can we calm our bodies into accepting new terms.
Instead of feeling bad or overwhelmed that I didn't post this on time (because reality), I am going to feel proud that I am committed to working on this blog to provide value and inspiration to you lovelies. And celebrate that I DID post it eventually, even if time got int he way.
Because you matter and the voice inside my head is sometimes inaccurate.
Today, we dive into choice.
Specifically about the consequences of choice.
Who doesn't love consequences? Oh wait, everyone.
No one loves consequences, yet they are a given part of reality.
Most of us can make a decision, but what about taking the time to ask what happens if we don't choose?
Sometimes it is tempting to think if we ignore a decision, it will just go away right?
It doesn't often work like that.
Some people try to play it safe and opt our of choosing, but it isn't a safe way out of forming your story.
Your given life pieces are unique and you don't owe anyone else their tale.
Your chosen pieces can transform your life to look like how you want to live.
Are you using absence of choice as an excuse to stay in your comfort zone?
So today, we look at a way to remove some of the surprise factor from our choices by asking the question:
What if I didn't do X?
In taking a few moments to really dive into the absence of choice.
Using being static as an excuse that is holding us back.
When we make a decision, we often think through the consequences of the choice we are making.
Every choice has consequences.
But what about the consequences of NOT choosing?
The absence of choice has consequences.
Here at Life Coach Online we practice radical accountability and not choosing is no longer an option.
You can choose no, or yes.
Or choose to back-burner an issue for a time (like this blog post being on time).
But using absence of choice as an excuse is not an option.
Or at least, not an option that will lead to growth and the life you deserve.
You are in control of your life.
Do you want to write that book, but every time you think about it, you feel bad about not writing it?
Well, what are you doing to move that forward?
Why waste time feeling bad about your choice to not sit and write a few words?
If fact, I challenge you to start with a paragraph. (email me if you want feedback!)
Are you like me and sometimes mourn the fact that you can't draw?
But have you taken the time to practice? (my answer is no, not really)
Literally the only reason that other people can draw and you can't is practice. (hello back burner)
Maybe they had a head start and were given some talent, but drawing is a skill.
There are people without hands that can draw.
There are people without hand and feet that can draw!
They are using their given instead of fighting their given.
The reality is, I don't want to put the work into practicing, so I won't learn to draw.
That's the consequence of my choice.
But also the consequence of my not choosing if I used my life as an excuse to why I haven't practiced.
Here is a quick exercise if you want to see where you are holding yourself back.
Let's not focus on what we aren't doing, but on what we can do!
On what we CHOOSE to do.
Let's focus up!
Grab a pen and paper. (Actually do this. I'll wait.)
Write down any and all given realities that impact your life at the moment.
Job change? Family? Location?
The point is to note the circumstances with which you have to work - not to change their presence.
Now, go through and circle the givens that affect you today.
These are the circumstances that we can't change, or have little control over.
So instead of using them as an excuse, is there a way we can choose to work within the reality?
Hard truth time.
Are you using any of these as part of your current story as to why you can't do what you want to do?
Some of the given will be limiting. That's okay. It is part of your story.
Here is where intention is important.
Acknowledging the given realities is important.
Using them as an excuse to prevent you from showing up is doing yourself a disservice.
Please note that I am not talking about trauma here.
If you have given trauma, I trust you are using the appropriate supports to help with that.
I am sorry that happened and wish you gentleness in the healing process.
This exercise is meant to start the conversation about given vs. limiting circumstances.
About creating and taking steps in trying to find a way to transform how you operate within your reality.
Remember love, you are not defined by your givens.
They are just pieces that are a part of your life.
What you do with your chosen parts are important.
So what are you doing to propel yourself towards your goal?
What action steps are you going to take today to get the life you want?
Go get it!
Trick your brain into welcoming growth.
Today's blog is responding to a question that was submitted from a reader.
Bear with, this post is a wee bit rambly in places, but it resolves nicely at the end.
The question went something like this:
Dear Life Coach Online,
I have an idea and I want to get it done, but I am too scared to try because I might fail.
What should I do?
Sincerely, Lovely Reader.
Well dear reader, I know that many of us have been there.
Most of us at some point have had an idea that we wanted to accomplish and loved, but then didn't try because we were afraid to fail?
Too afraid to do something that we would really like to do.
Because it feels important. And special.
Most cases, it is that little voice in the head.
The one that criticizes us at annoying times.
Common thoughts that hold us back are:
I'm not good enough.
I could never do that.
I'm good enough right now, why take the risk.
I'm foolish to think I could do that.
Who do I think I am.
Well dear reader... that brings me to the question, who DO you think you are?
As we develop this awareness, we develop the freedom from failure.
Throughout this life, we go through many experiences - both wanted and unwanted.
Chosen and given.
Getting in touch with these parts of our self identity can bring light and understanding to how our inner critic got its voice.
It might seem like a lot, but I want to invite you to try something with me.
Let's challenge the inner critic a little and see where that takes us today.
Imagine your best self.
The one that thrives when conditions are perfect.
When we identify as that being, and really get down to it, do we feel like we have changed that much at all throughout our life?
Chances are, your inner awareness has stayed the same.
The YOU-ness of you is outside your body and when we connect with our true self, we feel powerful and meaningful.
Over time, what changes is our resilience and our awareness of self.
When we experience connection and love at our being level, we begin to thrive!
As we grow and bump into the boundaries of others, we develop reaction patterns that may or may not serve us.
This brings us to the concept of change.
Personally, I like to define change as the process of becoming.
Freedom to adjust and expand and change.
Change can be a scary word for some people.
It can trigger feelings of inadequacy and failure.
That is not the point here. Here we strive for kindness.
Synonyms for change include:
Which ones of these words sits easier?
Change feels BIG but development feels appropriate depending on the situation.
Want to make a lifestyle change - sometimes people react negatively to that language and ask "Well, what was wrong with me in the first place?"
Even admitting that change is desired somehow devalues the current being and the hard work you did to get there.
How to make change gentle - call it by another name.
There is more inherent permission to say that I am developing rather than I am changing.
It implies choice in the areas of growth.
You story can be what you make it.
Sure, there are given pieces of that story, but how do we use those givens to connect and build bridges between others in our lives.
Or do we use those givens as an excuse to hold ourselves back, to limit what we are capable of choosing?
Over the next few posts, we will talk more about change.
And on ways to embrace the potential rather than run from it.
We aim for choice and permission.
So dear reader, what happens when you apply the kinder word to the inner critic?
Does that free up some of the creative energy and allow you to start your task?
I look forward to continuing the conversation!
You've got this! I'm proud of you for reaching out.
For my lovely other readers, please know that my inbox is always open for ideas and questions.
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Wishing you a beautiful day,