How to reconnect in a broken world when everything seems useless.
This summer has had some rough patches for many of us it seems.
What do we do when our efforts seem to lead us to failure?
This post is intended to bring a bit of grace into the process.
Strengths acknowledged. check.
Expectations laid out. check.
Clearly communicated boundaries and guidelines. check.
Protocols written and timers set and needs met. check.
Set up everything you could control for? check.
Frustration and anger.
I laid out the path.
I did the things.
I followed the protocol.
I controlled for every aspect that I could.
If you are anything like me, at this point you turn into a fire breathing dragon and destroy villages.
Cue rage and futility.
And fight with entitlement.
Let's unpack that a bit.
Setting up and making known my expectations and then those expectations not being met is mind-boggling.
But is it entitlement.
Process and set up and hope doesn't entitle me to get the desired outcome.
A "failed outcome" isn't a blow to the ego, but it helps pave the way towards clarity on how to get there.
Sometimes that clarity shows that the set up didn't work.
Sometimes it is that the "controlling factors" actually didn't mean as much as I thought they did.
Sometimes it is just me that stands in my own way.
When it feels futile: What's the point?
The "why bother" moment.
We can work through this moment by reflecting on our own values and the intentions.
You likely didn't bother because you were a failure. You bothered because you cared.
Find a comfortable position.
However you learn best, explore the reasons you set out to do things.
Love? Safety? Belonging?
Those core values aren't letting you down. The attempted process did.
It is time to release our hold on the process.
Take time to reset our being and hammer out a new way forward.
This is tricky and takes practice and sacrifice.
Sacrifice of the comfort zone.
Sacrifice of the habits and routines that once worked for you.
To venture out with fresh eyes and trust that the process will pay off eventually.
In calling out your own greatness, it can also make others uncomfortable.
It can seem to them that you are judging them.
But quite the opposite is happening - you are holding yourself to a new standard.
They can create their own.
So what drives you?
When you sit in the quiet moments, how do you want to grow?
How can we move from a place of connection if we keep judging our attempts?
I wish you kindness and grace in all your attempts,
Tea loving awesomeness. Challenging perfectionism.