What's your excuse?
My brain still thinks we are somewhere in June rather than being almost August!
When I take a moment to sit and think, my mind starts racing.
"How did we get here? Where did the time go? What are we going to do?!"
Basically, part of my brain really likes control. I bet you can relate.
But so what dear brain. The fact is that you can't control time.
Time will pass at the same rate as always (more or less).
Moments like this are probably is the only time taking a deep breath is helpful for me.
In reconnecting with my present breath, I remind myself that I have the skills to make this (what ever this happens to be in the moment) successful.
Fun example... I meant to publish this post a few weeks ago, but life got in the way - so here is the follow up to the last post, in which we talked about a different approach to change.
That in calling it by another name, can we calm our bodies into accepting new terms.
Instead of feeling bad or overwhelmed that I didn't post this on time (because reality), I am going to feel proud that I am committed to working on this blog to provide value and inspiration to you lovelies. And celebrate that I DID post it eventually, even if time got int he way.
Because you matter and the voice inside my head is sometimes inaccurate.
Today, we dive into choice.
Specifically about the consequences of choice.
Who doesn't love consequences? Oh wait, everyone.
No one loves consequences, yet they are a given part of reality.
Most of us can make a decision, but what about taking the time to ask what happens if we don't choose?
Sometimes it is tempting to think if we ignore a decision, it will just go away right?
It doesn't often work like that.
Some people try to play it safe and opt our of choosing, but it isn't a safe way out of forming your story.
Your given life pieces are unique and you don't owe anyone else their tale.
Your chosen pieces can transform your life to look like how you want to live.
Are you using absence of choice as an excuse to stay in your comfort zone?
So today, we look at a way to remove some of the surprise factor from our choices by asking the question:
What if I didn't do X?
In taking a few moments to really dive into the absence of choice.
Using being static as an excuse that is holding us back.
When we make a decision, we often think through the consequences of the choice we are making.
Every choice has consequences.
But what about the consequences of NOT choosing?
The absence of choice has consequences.
Here at Life Coach Online we practice radical accountability and not choosing is no longer an option.
You can choose no, or yes.
Or choose to back-burner an issue for a time (like this blog post being on time).
But using absence of choice as an excuse is not an option.
Or at least, not an option that will lead to growth and the life you deserve.
You are in control of your life.
Do you want to write that book, but every time you think about it, you feel bad about not writing it?
Well, what are you doing to move that forward?
Why waste time feeling bad about your choice to not sit and write a few words?
If fact, I challenge you to start with a paragraph. (email me if you want feedback!)
Are you like me and sometimes mourn the fact that you can't draw?
But have you taken the time to practice? (my answer is no, not really)
Literally the only reason that other people can draw and you can't is practice. (hello back burner)
Maybe they had a head start and were given some talent, but drawing is a skill.
There are people without hands that can draw.
There are people without hand and feet that can draw!
They are using their given instead of fighting their given.
The reality is, I don't want to put the work into practicing, so I won't learn to draw.
That's the consequence of my choice.
But also the consequence of my not choosing if I used my life as an excuse to why I haven't practiced.
Here is a quick exercise if you want to see where you are holding yourself back.
Let's not focus on what we aren't doing, but on what we can do!
On what we CHOOSE to do.
Let's focus up!
Grab a pen and paper. (Actually do this. I'll wait.)
Write down any and all given realities that impact your life at the moment.
Job change? Family? Location?
The point is to note the circumstances with which you have to work - not to change their presence.
Now, go through and circle the givens that affect you today.
These are the circumstances that we can't change, or have little control over.
So instead of using them as an excuse, is there a way we can choose to work within the reality?
Hard truth time.
Are you using any of these as part of your current story as to why you can't do what you want to do?
Some of the given will be limiting. That's okay. It is part of your story.
Here is where intention is important.
Acknowledging the given realities is important.
Using them as an excuse to prevent you from showing up is doing yourself a disservice.
Please note that I am not talking about trauma here.
If you have given trauma, I trust you are using the appropriate supports to help with that.
I am sorry that happened and wish you gentleness in the healing process.
This exercise is meant to start the conversation about given vs. limiting circumstances.
About creating and taking steps in trying to find a way to transform how you operate within your reality.
Remember love, you are not defined by your givens.
They are just pieces that are a part of your life.
What you do with your chosen parts are important.
So what are you doing to propel yourself towards your goal?
What action steps are you going to take today to get the life you want?
Go get it!
What does "done" look like for you?
Sometimes sitting down to write a blog post feels like a monkey banging on the keys.
Ooo Ooo Oooo. Eeee Eeee Eeeeeee. Smash, crash!
And voila - a blog post.
In starting the creative process, I always begin by typing at random.
I practice writing with intention and radical forgiveness.
I sit down in front of my computer and acknowledge that this feels HUGE.
Content creation is important to me.
Helping people is important to me.
Meeting my readers' needs is important to me.
Every time I sit down to write, I know that resistance will be sitting down in front of me. Every. Time. It's a given.
I like to treat resistance like a pet cat (see image above).
It likes to sit on my keyboard and prevent me from writing.
I say hello, move it aside, and start typing.
Resistance gets bored after a few minutes and leaves me alone.
It knows I am the Queen of Consistency.
I am not here to play.
When I started Life Coach Online, it was out of a desire to show people that they are worthy of space in this world.
That their unique strengths and gifts should be honoured and honed.
And those strengths can be used in creating the life they desire and deserve!
This blog is intended as a way to provide inspiration and motivation to anyone who needs it. To give people the tools to work ease into their lives.
One of the main struggles that plague perfectionists is the paralysis that comes when it is time to hand of a completed task.
It feels like there is too much riding on the outcome, that you could have done better, that it is almost perfect, just a few more tweaks!
That only perfect is worth publishing.
And if you don't produce perfect... you aren't worthy of the job at all.
To that I have a question:
Who decided what perfect looks like?
As high-achievers, we tend to rapidly form a vision based on the information we have been given. A vision of completed excellence!
But who are we actually pleasing?
Our boss? Or friends? Or is it our self?
If it is an outside entity, did they directly tell you what "done" looks like?
What do they value in this situation?
A completed product, or an overwhelmed you?
If it is an overwhelmed you, give me a call, we can sort that out, you are worth more than that!
Will they notice all the small details that you painstakingly combed through?
Or will they spend a few minutes on it and move onto the next project?
Think of it like picture day in school (bear with me).
Think back to either yourself or your kids' school picture days.
Do you remember how much work you put in to caring about how they (or you) looked?
That the nice shirt was ironed (ha!) and hair was clean and combed...?
Do you look at those photos and remember the details, or see the details, or do you see the overall picture of someone you loved?
Do you judge yourself for the wear and tear that may have happened outside your control that day?
I don't remember what I wore in any school photo... or what my kids wore... but I remember that I cared at the time. And that it was IMPORTANT!!!
All the control over all the details!
Just like all those small details that prevent you from pressing send.
From handing in that completed project... because it isn't "done".
So let's redefine done. Redefine perfect.
Perfection can't happen in a vacuum.
It will never be perfect until it is released and fresh eyes can help.
The best school photos are ones where the photographer lends a quick hand in correcting the last minute scuffs that happened once you let go.
So, let that project be.
Let it get to the next stage and trust that you did the "appropriate-ist" that you could (which is your actual best).
Because best is knowing that others will treat the project with importance on their end too.