A quick check-in for my Introverted Folk.
Happy countdown to the end of 2019 season!
Family, friends, social gatherings galore...
Many of my clients are introverts, and this is not necessarily a set-up for success.
This post provides some tips to help ease that post-Turkey holiday hangover as we dive right in to the holiday death-spiral. Wheeeeeee!
As the lovely Miranda would say, "Such fun!".
So put on those elastic waist trousers, enjoy your feast, and read on for tips to make it through the resulting hangover before the spiral gets tighter!
In my youth, I tended to treat feasts as an opportunity to "EAT ALL THE THINGS!".
I mean, while this is a perk, it isn't the point.
Well navigated as an adult...
I've since learned that mashed potatoes are an every day food and holidays can be about pie as a vegetable.
For me, leaving out the potatoes means twice as much pie.
Not at all because of calories, but because of the reality of my stomach only holding so.much.food.
I do so enjoy eating.
Not the point of this blog post. (But do send me pie)
Once Halloween is over, marketing kicks into high gear to herd us down the consumer path. Buy all the things! If you don't you'll ruin the holidays!
The messaging that unless we are surrounded by hallmark moments and family and friend gatherings with an over-abundance of food and gifts is well presented.
It is tempting to buy-in to the holiday social trappings.
If you don't you are "failing at your social obligations".
Instead of connection and belonging, this can leave us feeling more disconnected and discombobulated.
Today, I want you to set aside a few minutes for a quick check-in.
(Do it now if you like.)
Take a seat. Or find a sunbeam to stand in. Or get comfy however you like.
Imagine the most warm and cozy holiday gathering moment you can conjure.
It can be past, present, or imaginary (best).
In that moment, among the holiday activities, I ask you:
How are you doing?
How are YOU?
I mean you.
The You who you are in the quiet moments.
It is easy to fall back into our old habits and ways of being around people when we are surrounded by family who we see occasionally.
They may not have met the current version of us.
It is sometimes easier to play along with the former version of yourself than it is to introduce the current edition to all the folks.
Your past you isn't inauthentic.
It is a version of you that has lead to the creation of the current model.
As we grow, and as we experience different aspects of life, we are shaped and reformed into different versions of the same person.
The you inside is still you.
The outside changes are lovely and usually chosen.
The inside changes, the ones that are hidden from many people, are the ones that are sometimes too sensitive or complicated to bring to the family table.
It is okay to show a former connected version of yourself to people you see occasionally if you are not ready to bring the full glorious transition to the table.
It might not be the right venue.
It might no longer be the right people.
Be who you are comfortable being in each setting with permission, and most importantly, choice.
Choosing who you are showing up as instead of reverting unconsciously or reactively to a situation is called empowerment!
Learning boundaries is one of the ways we as adults can move through the holiday death spiral with more holiday and much less death.
Leave that party early if you need to. The people who love you will understand. The people who aren't close to you will likely not remember the absence unless a big deal is made of going.
Announcing you have another engagement at 8pm is a choice you can make.
Even if that engagement is a date with yourself in the bathtub rejuvenating after a long evening of people. Heck, especially if that date is with your own wonderful self.
If you are genuinely having fun, you can reschedule your plan.
Embrace choice and ownership of your time this holiday season.
Do what brings you, and those you love, joy.
Tea-loving awesomeness. Challenging perfectionism.